We are WE, we are US

Last we spoke it was just before everyone entered their annual tryptophan induced coma and things were dandy. Our Friendsgiving went absurdly well, thank you for asking. I shit you not the friend who hosted us literally said “Gosh darn it” on possibly more than one occasion. It was so wholesome. And then the Cards Against Humanity came out and re-confirmed that everyone is terrible and I cackled a lot. Also having a car makes traveling long distances a lot easier, who’da thunk.

Resolution(?) to illness

The one big issue to come out of an otherwise lovely day of gaiety was that I remained sick. I was beginning to have an awful hacking cough that knocked the wind out of me and I immediately thought it was definitely pneumonia. Fortunately I have levelheaded people in my life who remind me that I am not a medical professional and therefore should not diagnose myself. Also people who point out that one usually gets bronchitis before pneumonia and there are phases to these things.

Cool. So I went through the proper bureaucratic to get a doctor’s appointment for the Saturday after Thanksgiving and astonishingly I got in. Most of the time I change people’s names and give clever nicknames but I have to tell you about my nurse at Urgent Care. The name on her badge was “Nurselyn.” Her profession was nurse. I wasn’t actually sure that part was reality so I feel more comfortable sharing it with y’all.

After she checks my vitals (slightly above average pulse, everything else normal), she calls in the doctor. In walks Dr. TooAttractiveToExistinReality (Tater). I did a literal double take and immediately felt like the mum in Angus, Thongs and Full-FrontalSnogging (then gave myself a moment of pause and sadness that I was identifying with the mum instead of the main character). In this book series the mum routinely goes into the doctor, or convinces the daughter to go into the doctor because he is Dreamy. All of a sudden I could see her point.

Best of all, he concluded that it wasn’t pneumonia! And he did all of the proper doctor-y things that gave me the impression he was keenly excellent at his job. I have seen a lot of doctors in my tenure of being alive. They are not often keenly excellent at their jobs.

He concluded that it’s something called Reactive Airways Disease which is a fancy way to say “You never really grow out of childhood asthma, it just hits you with wonton cruelty at random points of your adult life.”

Dr. Tater escorted me towards the exit and gave me some papers to read up on the medication he was assigning me.  Then he proceeded to do something I have never seen a doctor do. He went over to Nurselyn and said “Hey, I see you’re really busy over here. Can I go grab your next patient and take their vitals so you have some time to catch up?” 0__o Dr. Tater, ftw.

So now I have fancy inhalers and I’m taking a bunch of otc medications so I can avoid further issues. I feel like a 80’s stereotype of a “nerd” kid. It feels weird but I can also breathe again so fuck the haters, I got my spirit back!

A Local Institution, Its Trials and Tribulations

There is a park down the street from our house in Key Route City that I love very dearly. It is the park I took the Little Bear to when I was her nanny. It is the park I walk through when I go to the grocery store. The recreational center was where I had my going-away party before I left for TLoTH (The Lab on The Hill, if you’re new to this blog). The same rec center is my polling place, with three precincts jammed inside and literally hundreds of people exercising their civic muscles.

On election day I gave out Free Hugs at the rec center. I stood next to the folks who work for the center selling buttons and coffee. It was very chill environment (with lots of hugs from voters who appreciated the support) and we all got to talking. The director of the rec center encouraged me to come to a planning meeting the next week because the park had some extra funds and they wanted community input on how to use them. Cool! Civic participation leads to more civic participation. So of course I suggested it to PartnerPenguin for our next Date Night.

We went to the planning meeting and it was…attended. There were 15 people, 5 of whom either worked for Key Route City or the park. The funds available for the park were designated for ADA accessibility but they were flexible so the floor was open. I should also mention that there is an old Victorian house on the lot. Let’s call it the Lichen House. It is really pretty but totally dilapidated and no one goes inside because the floors probably don’t support weight.

There is one guy in particular who is super-all-for getting the Lichen House repaired. He thinks that all funds should be diverted to fixing it so the City of Key Route can get revenue from the Lichen House as a venue. I chime in that one way of seeking additional funds would be that the city could ask a large new tech company, Potato Inc., moving into town to help out. (There is a complex relationship between what cities can ask of companies around making privately owned public spaces.)

Other suggestions included creating edible forestry/foliage and also putting in a giant sign with the time, date and temperature because a lot of people can’t find the park or know whether they’re in the park.

We left because the gym area was echo-y and there is only so much civic juiciness one can reasonably handle in an evening.

Cool cool. Fast-forward to Sunday. PartnerPenguin is browsing Twitter (as he does) and he comes across a post by the Mayor of Key Route City. The picture is of the rec center, in ashes! 0_____0 We are so numb to helicopters lately that we hadn’t noticed there was a two alarm fire going on 5 blocks from our house. 60-70% of the rec center is gone, but the Lichen House was saved.

PartnerPenguin and I immediately decide which Scooby Doo characters we are (I’m Velma because she’s the sexy smart one and he’s a mash of Scooby and Shaggy) and we get to work. We very vaguely, and without any actual intent of legitimately accusing, decided it was the angry man who wanted to divert all funds to the Lichen House. Definitely arson. Not the very realistic possibility that the electrical wiring was 70 years old and in dire need of replacement.

Tune in next week to see how the crime unfolds…

Lunch is a Vague Time Frame

I’d like to round out today by telling you about the excellent lunch company I had today. While a lot of my friends say they would travel from the ends of the Earth to see me, few actually have.

Today, a friend visited me from Chile. Yeah. The country not the pepper. And he was only in town for a total of three days. Friend. Win. Of. The. Century.

I’m going to call this friend The AndeanLawyer and his wife BilingualMomma. These were some of our first friends we made when we moved into the area. At the time their eldest son was 10 months old and they worked some kind of magic so that we never heard him fuss or cry. Like, I’m sure it had to have happened. But we almost never heard it. ¡Los vecinos fantasticos en todo del mundo!

The Andean Lawyer and I dined in the cafeteria we both used to take our lunch in while we were students (he was getting his JD while I got my BA). It was oddly nostalgic, but also really nice to see the folks I used to see every day and greet them fondly.

We talked about my mother and her new kitty roommate Muffin, and my brother who is now living in The Great North. We talked about his kids going to bilingual school and how important that will  an asset for them. We talked about PartnerPenguin’s work and how he and I have been discovering some of the challenges and benefits to my being an ENJF and him being an INTP and how that works in “off” time. We touched a little about how frustrating it can be to have culture shock when you’re back in a place you once considered home.

We talked a lot about the political climate and actions of democracy that America has been up to lately. He asked me how The Clown was elected. I told him what I suspected but honestly that I just don’t totally know. I told him how I waver between being scared and being ready for action. I would like to be able to do more, but I don’t quite know how. He didn’t have any good answers there.

I introduce him to a term I have invented and I definitely think everyone should use.

Agreeument (əgree-you-ment) 1) A conversation where all parties emphatically agree with each other in a manner that, to a casual observer, seems like an argument. 2) Reinstatement of the original point with additional observational evidence from all parties involved. 3) A circle jerk.

One of the things I miss from the city I grew up in (The Big Scrapple) was the ease with which I could find a person with a different worldview than my own. The way I was taught to interact with people who have different opinions to yours is that you listen to them. They listen to you. You do not speak for the purpose of convincing the other side to agree with you. You speak so that your position is fully understood and that further disagreements may be made with informed positions. You agree to disagree if you come to a point of impasse. But importantly, you can discover A LOT MORE nuanced points of view than if you never listen to an oppositionary opinion.

As a takeaway from this very serious conversation, The Andean Lawyer reminded me of something very important. When you have important and intimate relationships in your life, hold on to them. “We are WE,” he said. “ We are US.” Don’t let go of the important people in your life because of challenging situations or difficult times. The folks who matter, they matter. And that’s what’s important.

Music

Today I’d like to close out with Gaelynn Lea’s “Someday We’ll Linger In the Sun”. I loved her Tiny Desk Concert so I started following her on social media. This past week she posted about something really cool called Bedstock which is an entire music festival where artists record music in their homes for kids (and adults) who aren’t able to leave their beds.

Gratitude-Tastes Like Health

Content warning: Recent events involving hate speech

Thanks giving

I am feeling very conflicted by thanksgiving this year. As I've discussed before, I feel like holidays centered around forgetting/rearranging the truth of what Europeans have done to American Indigenous people are awkward at best. The American continent was won, in part, by genocide and brute force against the Native peoples of this land. This is a constant, recurring battle and it continues at the Standing Rock encampment today. For my part, I have made a modest donation to Standing Rock.

PartnerPenguin brought to my attention a science fiction retelling of Thanksgiving that I really like. Hope you do too.

Conversely, I also am in love with the idea of setting aside a day to be grateful. I have a personal (albeit lazy at times) practice of writing out three things I am grateful for each day. For my birthday this year, I asked everyone who posted on my Facebook timeline to tell me one thing they were grateful for in the past year. Really amazing things have happened in my friends lives, from just being in a better place than where they were before to having babies and excelling in their careers. I think setting aside a day for people to come together for the express purpose of sharing what they are grateful and thankful for is an amazing practice. If you're comfortable, I would love to hear one thing you're grateful for this year.


I just wish it wasn't so interwoven into the death and sorrows of other humans.

Empathy Experiments

Perhaps to no one's surprise giving out free hugs landed me with a free illness. w00t. It is this weird chest-cold thing unlike any I've had in the past. So far I've been mildly out-of-it sick for 8 days. I think I'm finally on the mend today, but if it gets worse again I'll go to Urgent Care this weekend.

Due to this illness I have limited my interactions with folks, particularly at my synagogue because there are people in that group who have compromised immune systems. It is really really challenging to not be able to receive hugs when I really really want hugs.

It seems every week since the election has brought some fresh trauma. This week's been no exception with CNN's headline fuckup. That clip really rattled me. It rattled me, in part because I spent much of the day looking at news websites; trying to compare and contrast their content. Turns out, it doesn't matter how you slant it, traumatizing words are still traumatizing.

With Facebook's recent words on fake news, and their emotional manipulation experiment, I've been far more critical about my news consumption. I find NPR to have good coverage, and to be pretty reasonable on their reporting. Recently I've been exploring CBS and ABC. What is your approach?

I feel that part of the problem is the normalization of hate-speech in mainstream media. I feel like I vaguely knew that people hate Jews but I have been shielded, very intentionally, my whole life from such people. I really need to credit both my parents for that. I have been a lot more aware of hate speech and actions against LGBTQ+ folks. Yet until this week it has not been personal. I am a straight passing bisexual Jewish woman who does not come across as anything but generic white woman. I am intentional about not affiliating myself to the wide world as being Jewish or queer. But all of a sudden, I feel so exposed. So vulnerable. And so scared.

As a form of protest that I feel comfortable with, I have been preparing my house to be a respite for my marginalized friends. I have gotten rid of tons of clutter, that made my home feel more full than necessary, and made me feel like my house was 'unpresentable', a feeling I've struggled with since childhood. Cleaning, especially cleaning areas that have not seen the light of day in some time, feels very productive.

I am grateful to myself for expending my energy in this manner as we have already hosted the first friend in need. Several of my friends are beginning to experience attacks against them for being their true, authentic selves. I hope that my house can continue to be a haven for them, even if it just a place to read quietly. Maybe this is not as grandiose a gesture as going around giving out free hugs, but for right now it's what I can manage while sick.

Recipe: Soup That Tastes Like Health

As part of my healing process, PartnerPenguin and I invented a new kind of soup. Here is one VERY me recipe so maybe you can make it for yourself or your loved ones when they get sick. A helpful note is that we get produce that is often irregularly shaped so I will give size measurements based on my hands. I have small hands.

Ingredients: 
1 large onion (fills both my hands when held), diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 small or 1 large carrot, diced
3 branches of celery, diced
Olive Oil to cover the bottom of a pan (2-3 Tbsp)
Pinch salt
Fresh ginger root, 2 knuckles in length
4 cups broth (we use 1 Tbsp Better Than Bullion Chicken with 4 c. boiling water)
5-6 pestels of saffron (don't ask, we just had it lying around)
pinch of coriander
1 sweet potato, two fists wide, 1/2-1 in pcs
1/2 a handful of fresh parsley, chopped
1 yellow zucchini, whatever shape/size you want
1 green zucchini, same
1 freakishly large radish (fist size) or small batch of normal sized radishes
Green onion stalks, cut up for garnish

Preparation:

Add oil to the pan and warm so water dances when shpritzed. Add onion, garlic, carrot and celery. (We were experimenting with how lazy we could be and still have a good product.) Add pinch salt and turn over constantly, sweating the onions. Add pinch coriander and the saffron. Continue turning over ingredients regularly. Should develop a nice golden hue.

With the ginger: peel as best you can and cut in half. Cut into the pieces without breaking them apart so there is lots of surface area but only 2 pieces to fish out. You will thank me for this. Any other way of putting ginger in soup and you wind up with a mouthful of ginger.

Add the ginger to the pot.
Add the broth/bullion.
Add the sweet potato. Probably add some more water because 4 cups isn't enough to cover the whole thing.

Add the zucs, parsley and radishes. Make sure most of the ingredients are covered with water.
Bring to a boil, then lower to simmer.

Simmer for about 2 episodes of Steven Universe (25 minutes).

Soup is done when sweet potato is soft. Garnish with green onions and a pinch of salt if you prefer. Tastes like health!!

Music

And to close out, here is a performance that always makes me smile. Watch some, watch all, and dance. ^___^ Plus, everything is better with a glockenspiel!!

Free Hugs

::hugs::

::deep breath::

I am going to start this blog again. I have been in hiding for some time, trying to heal and trying to figure myself out. But I feel like things have gotten to a point where I need to be seen again, heard again and connected again.

My struggle over the past 9 months of unemployment has been one of identity and self discovery. Coming away from TLoTH, I felt like I didn't belong. To be honest, I'm still don’t understand where I can find work that treats me with assumed competence, respect as an equal and where I know they will acknowledge my contributions.

Since the election I have gone back to doing something I haven’t done in a very long time: holding a sign that says “Free Hugs” and giving people hugs. It started on election day and since then I’ve been mostly standing in front of the City Hall of Key Route City. This act of resistance and protest contrasts many other folks very legitimate decision to march en mass. Don’t get me wrong, I am angry. I am hurt. I am afraid. But I also know that I have the capacity for empathy and compassion.

Part of what inspired me to write today was a conversation I had last night with some friends. We touched on the idea that certain sections of liberals are having difficulty communicating with people in opposition to themselves.

This is a similar issue I have noticed with academic scientists. There is a distance from beginner’s mind, a distance from legitimizing the other people’s perspective that exists among many scientists. In science, there are hierarchies of who is entitled to an opinion. A professor or a senior scientist has more publications on a topic and therefore their opinion on the subject matters more than a novice. This creates a community where individuals are inherently unequal and to become “equal” one must sacrifice their life for a few years to obtain a PhD to hold a legitimate opinion. There is also a competitiveness built into the nature of (limited) scientific funding where there are “winners” and people with “better” ideas.

Scientific knowledge, and subsequently expertise (as the knowledge required to gain expertise is limitedly distributed) are quantifiable, known entities. Everything is count-able. As Brene Brown refers to in her Huston TEDx talk, “If you can’t measure it, it doesn’t exist.”

And I use Dr. Brown specifically because what I have been thinking and acting and talking about the most recently has been empathy. (She has a great video differentiating between sympathy and empathy.) Empathy is less quantifiable than what people studying hard science tend to be willing to accept. It is not quantifiable, so therefore much of the scientific community pretends it doesn’t exist.

The big sticking point is that there are no "winners" or "better" with empathy or compassion. People outside the scientific community hold opinions and do not understand/get upset when they are dismissed by academics. People within the scientific community tend to just assume ignorance and discount what those outside academia say. It is fine to discredit an idea on the basis of merit within academia, because everyone in the community agrees upon what "merit" means and agrees that certain proof is required for an idea to hold merit. Outside of this community, however, many others feel like their opinions are equally valid and just dismissed by the elite because they're haughty and full of themselves.

In my view, empathy is the only way. Compassion for people who are scared for their lives, for the lives of their families, for the future of their children is what is currently needed. There is also compassion needed for those celebrating. The people who wholeheartedly supported the President-Elect into office need to be embraced as well. Reminding everyone that those around them are human is important. When we all know those around us are human, we will be better equipped to stand up if/when violence or hate-actions occur.

In order to hold this view, I have need to acknowledge my own privilege. PartnerPenguin has a job that ensures we stay afloat. My basic needs are met every day. I am working solidly at the third rung in Maslow’s triangle. I feel shame in my comfort but also power in being able to give out hugs on a regular basis. (Also to note: I am kind but not stupid. I have steel toed boots when I go out in case anything goes awry.) My decision to act non-violently and in my own time is somewhat part of my upbringing and somewhat due to my current position of privilege.

So that’s how I’ve been this past week. What have you been up to?

And, as usual, a song. Today it’s Of Montreal’s “It’s Different for Girls”

#GeologySlay

Work

I have never really understood the phrase “good things come to those who wait.” Mostly I don’t understand it because I am an impatient millennial who adores instant gratification. But I also think that delayed or complete lack of praise doesn’t create a productive work environment for me.

So anyway, I gotta tell you a story about what happened when I waited.

I’ve been working on a particular geology project (what I was hired to do) since July. Note: it is currently February. When I had the intervention with my manager, one of their points of contention was that I had not completed this task I was hired to do.

I calculated it: if each sample I ran only took 3 hours to prepare, it would have taken me at least 230 hours for just preparation and about 780 hours of machine time. This is all assuming everything worked the first time. This does not take into calculations any of the time it takes me to interpret the spectra produced by the machine. This does not take into consideration that I had to teach myself two programs including one that crashes every 25 minutes. So no. In November, I was not DONE this fucking project yet. I am only barely finished the analysis in January and in February and I’m about halfway through the interpretations.

Layered into all of the work stuff is a pretty interesting cultural clash that I’ve had with my mentor. Mentor 1 comes from a culture that holds authority in high regard. You do not argue with authority, you do not undermine it. I come from a culture where I was taught that people are people. Some people have extra letters after their name but if you approach a conversation with respect it’s ok to discourse on points that you don’t agree upon. Yeah, anyway, I’m no one’s favorite person at work for holding this opinion.

For the first two weeks after winter, Mentor 1 didn’t want me working on the interpretation aspect of my project because it hadn’t been sanctioned by the person she deemed the “expert” on these things. This “expert” was the guy who sat at my desk and said (repeatedly) “You’re from BAU, aren’t you supposed to be smart?” So I obviously have no interest in reaching out to him or asking him to check my work.

The exciting part of the story is that when Mentor 2 came back from the field, he was WAAAAY more on board with the fact that I had done a ton of literature research and was well on my way to doing competent interpretations of rocks. Not only did he tell me that he thought I was competent, it turns out within the past week he told Mentor 1 that he thinks I’m competent. Not only am I competent, but he trusts my interpretations so much that he doesn’t think the “expert” should get involved because I understand the local geology better than that guy.

I am feeling so grateful and appreciative that Mentor 2 is actually standing up for me. I know it can’t be easy for him because I can get on his nerves. But he is acting like an adult and he is treating me like an adult. This is incredible and I am so appreciative that it has happened and I will leave with a bridge between us.

TLoTH definitely has not known what to do with me or how to use me as a whole person but I am basking in the fact that I am finally being acknowledged as a geologist who knows how to think critically, synthesize information and draw important conclusions.

Mum Visit

I learned an astonishing amount from my mom’s visit. I am glad that we are starting to have a better relationship even though it takes a lot of energy. It’s definitely worth it.

I think one thing that was a really important discovery is that my mom feels culturally more attached to France than the US. We had some good discussions about how the places we respectively culturally matured in shape us. For me, it was going to high school in the Big Scrapple that shaped me in a lot of ways from my sense of humor, my spark for activism and my sense of adventure in cities. My mom spent her time in France when she was much younger so she was less able to articulate specific influences and attributed more of a cultural difference. It was really important to learn that a lot of reasons people have been asshats to my mom over the years was that she behaves much more like a European in home customs.

One major thing that people made fun of her/vocally disagreed with her on was her choice to have my brother and I learn multiple languages. Joke’s on them because speaking multiple languages makes you smarter.

Another thing I learned is that you can clean wooden furniture. There is a theoretical level of cleanliness that one can achieve to actually get a deposit back on an apartment. Mum is much more able to attain this esoteric goal than myself. She spend a lot of time teaching me about cleaning products and how to keep a nice apartment so I can get my money back. Mind. Blown.

I introduced Mum to lots of my friends and we had lots of dinners with people. She was a bit reluctant but I carried out my usual expectations that if you come to dinner, you bring an ingredient or a dish. We had so many interesting foods and such good conversations that I think she eventually agreed it was a good idea to people over, even if she was uncertain of my methods.

Adventures

On Friday, The Jr. Ranger, Mum and I went on a geology tour of the area. I felt so proud that I actually was able to give a comprehensive tour at a general public level of the local geology. One of our favorite places was this cool travertine dam with icicles!

I love when I can include ice as a mineral. No one in normal talk refers to ice as a mineral but it totally is. ^___^ And it’s super weird too.

On Saturday, we went to a spooky gorge and Mum was so brave, she walked on the bridge all the way to the middle. It was pretty deep and had a river at the bottom. Basalt and peppa to spice up your life.

MORE GOOD NEWS

I’m just fucking full of good news today! ^___^ The final happy note in today’s post is that PartnerPenguin is back!! We’re back to living together. Soon, we will travel together! For the meantime, we will make gratuitous amounts of mushroom stew and watch silly YouTube videos until we cry from laughing too hard.

I can’t stop watching “Formation” by Beyonce today. So. Good. Ah! 

And I usually stick to music videos and stay away from comedy but I feel like this video warrants a spot here today as a pairing to Queen Bey for Black History Month.

Screw Work, Be Social

My life for the past week or so has been roughly divided in three parts:

1.  The part where I’m super social and having lots of friends over or going out and having a good time.
2.  The part where my mum is visiting and we clean and cook together because she wants to make sure I get my deposit back. We also laugh a lot.
3.  The rest of the time where I spend entire nights on the bathmat because my bathroom is literally the most warm and comfortable place in my house. Who invented “wide open spaces” and also “single pane windows.” If I ever live in a big house (read: more than 2 bedrooms, assuming less than 2 kids) please remind me that I hate large living spaces and what the fuck am I doing with my life.

We’re going to focus on parts 1 and 2.

The delightful thing about keeping my “Gratitudes” journal is that it’s like a snapshot diary, but only of good things. So this way when I want to remember what happened, I can just look at the day and be like ::smile:: “Oh yeah, that was a pretty cool thing that happened.”

Being social, going out, having friends over and having a good time

One of the cool things that happened was that the Tenor and I made Pho. That was pretty chill. Good Panda asked me a while back to write more recipes so I wrote the recipe. It is very classically me: it will certainly point you towards making a food, but in the meantime it a work of comedy.

Pho á la Sara

Ingredients:

· 1/2 lb or so of beef. I've been using about 1/4-1/3 lb per person when I cook this. As you suggested, you could probably get it cut really thin by the butcher. I go for the cut-up steak that says "fajita" on the package. I'm lazy.

· 1/2 Tbsp butter (side of butter wrapper has tablespoons marked out)

· 1-1 1/2 Tbsp Lee Brand "Pho: Vietnamese Beef Flavor Paste" (By half I mean just use the same scoop twice and put half as much in it. It's safest to start with real measuring spoons.)

· 8 oz mushrooms, white or portabella. Can sub any kind of veg here, but I think mushrooms are a safe starter veg. Shrooms can be cut any way you like, quartered or "pizza style" or whatever. Make sure you wash those fuckers first though. They grow in poop.

· Pho noodles. I used half a 16 oz package for two people. Probably 1-1.5 oz of dry noodle per person, if you can judge it. Or just use half the package.

· 2-3 Green onions

· half a fistful of cilantro. Sara sized fist, not Tenor sized fist. Probably a quarter of a Tenor fist. Haha. I never noticed how funny the word fist is. Fist. Whatever, cilantro is for garnish. If you cilantro (or parsley or celery) ever looks sad because it's dry, put the stem bits in water. They'll perk up in an hour.

· 1 jalepeño pepper, cut in 1/4 in slices. More if you want more spiciness. DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE OR ANY OTHER ORIFICES. Just don't.

· Sriracha (cock sauce) and plum sauce to season

Cooking instructions:

1.     Heat saucepan/pot (big enough for all the soup) to medium heat. Add butter, moving it around pan/pot by either rocking pot or moving it around with a set of tongs. Butter should be bubbly but not burn-y. Lower heat if butter is doing nothing but bubble. It should just hang out as a delicious liquid, occasionally bubbling.

2.     Add the steak bits. [As previously stated, this is Sara-Pho not restaurant-pho. In a restaurant they add the meat at the very last step because the high surface area allows it to cook in the broth.] Brown steak bits on all sides. This means allowing the bits to sit on one side for about 5 minutes or until brownish-grey in appearance. 

3.     Remove steak bits from pan and put on plate.

4.     Add water to pot so pot is about half full.

5.     Add Pho paste.

6.     Cover pot and leave on medium heat to boil. Boiling takes a while.

7.     Chop up your mushrooms, if you haven't done that already. If you're The Tenor, make loud choppy noises for no reason on the cutting board. ;-)

8.     While waiting three and half days to boil, chop up the green things. Put in mugs like a classy person to ornament your Pho. Or remikens. Or other small dishes.

9.     Add cut up mushrooms to broth when it starts to boil (bubbles around edges). Stir frequently but keep covered.

10.   As broth comes to a rolling boil (it's always bubbling, there aren't any calm patches) add your noodles. That should make the broth calm the fuck down for a bit. Noodles should cook 2-5 minutes but check the package for specific details.

11.   Noodles are done with they're squishy. Check texture by tasting it. Once desired squishiness is achieved, turn off heat.

12.   Serve broth with noodles into a comically oversized and mismatched bowl.

13.   Add meat, green toppings and hot/sweet sauce as you like. Keep in mind that jalepeños continue to cook as they're left in broth so just take them out when you're done with them.

Traditionally (restaurants) will give you bean sprouts with your toppings. Since we live in TLoTH, I couldn't find any fresh bean sprouts. The Outdoorsy Sage suggests pea sprouts that can be found at the store far away. I am a derp at finding them though, so here we go, sans bean sprouts!

AND THEN EAT YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUP!

(Picture of Pho from a previous iteration, mostly to illustrate the hilariously 3 little bears-eque bowls I own.)

Another night, I went over a friend’s house and discovered my coat was full of spiders. Like, literally I had no bites and all of a sudden my shoulders were COVERED in spider bites. Fortunately this friend had a washing machine in her kitchen and she was kind enough to let me use this washing machine. I think I showered for 45 minutes when I got home. I felt like I was in A Scanner Darkly for the entire next day.

Besides that, dinner was AMAZING, the company was good and the wine…well it was Pinot Noir. So of course I had to introduce the friends to Peeno Noir. Because Titus Andromedon. We also looked up Hawaiian Superman which is pretty funny as a song. The hostess friend also made candy geodes and later gave me one. BEST. It is super-saturated sugar syrup dried out on fondent. Literally sugar on sugar. I took tiny little bites and had to eat a chip between each one. My taste buds are still confused.

Adventures picking up Mum 

Retrieving Mum from the airport was an interesting exercise in patience. The plane didn’t make the original connection that meant poor Mum stayed up for almost 24 hours straight. Fortunately I had some good friends (The Jr. Ranger and a new friend: Tall Dark and Handsome [TDH]) drive with me to airport (90 min away) so I wouldn’t fall asleep or have panic attacks on the drive home. Before picking Mum up from airport, I dragged them to a Polish restaurant. TDH was hilarious. He had never had Polish, or German or Russian food. There was a portion of the drive down when he kept asking if there were possibly hamburgers. But he was very brave and tried a plate of perogies. I got what they called a “Russian Roulette” of perogies. The Jr. Ranger was very comfortable ordering stuffed cabbage. She and I traded halves and all the food was super yummy and delicious. We brought down the house and the owner kicked us out at 9 pm. But he was SO nice about it. He was like…I’m really sorry to kick you out so have some reusable bags and a couple candy bars!

When Mum finally did arrive, we got this really sad message “lost my luggage”. So I immediately (as immediately as possible, airports are hard) parked. I walked into where she was talking to the attendant and walked up quietly behind her. As soon as I came into view I said “Here is some chocolate. It will make everything better.” Of course at some point I hugged her and told her I was glad I was safe, but chocolate is priority in these situations. I also gave some chocolate to the poor woman who had to deal with an entire flight of lost luggages.

Saturday was a bit of a drag because Mum was exhausted. Like a good daughter, I left her at home and went out partying on my own that night. I had a BLAST. I went to a board game group where I got to be a Viking and buy sheeps and stuff to build boats. I was surprised I liked that game.

Then the Jr Ranger, The Mexican and me went to go dance. The little beer co-op in town occasionally brings in a live DJ and they spin for a couple hours. On Saturday it wasn’t crowded so we got to dance around and have such a great time. I danced for 2 hours straight. Need to do that more! One thing this “club” had going for it was that there wasn’t any creepy grinding or leering. Even though this town is tiny, I have to give it mad props for pulling off a safe space to dance. That’s pretty damn difficult to do.

Sunday morning was derby practice as usual. For the first time, I actually participated in the full 2 hour practice. Mum sat on the side watching. Once we started to scrimmage my teammates called out to her “Ozone Mom, come inside the ring so you don’t get hurt!” I thought it was adorable.

Then, for the first time, I got to jam!!! The sport of derby is basically the story of 1 (jammer) against 4 (blockers). Jammer has to pass blockers. Blockers have to prevent jammer from getting by. So for the first time, I went up against 4 big strong women and tried to wrestle my way through their wall. It was exhausting but exhilarating and so much fun. I had some pretty good momentum built up and then someone shouted out “Take the hole. Make a hole in the Ozone!” I lost it. I cracked up so badly that I totally forgot what I was doing. It had somehow never occurred to me that choosing my name would lead to that exact pun.

Anyway, if it had been a real bout (match) I would have gotten 3 points, out of 5 possible. DO WANT MOAR. I’m gonna go work out all the time now so I have enough strength to do that again! Maybe another day though, my mum is still here and I have to do stuff with her that isn’t working out.

Hanging out with Mum

I have considerably less adventurous stuff to share about having my Mum here. We have mostly been cooking and cleaning together. We’ve had: Seared tuna with asparagus and rice, ratatouille with gorgonzola and chicken soup so far. We have had a lot of laughs over silly things like excessive spoons in tea and waking up at 4:30 am to tell me it’s snowing. We’ve had a lot of discussions about our identities and how they overlap and don’t. It’s made me very happy that she noted I am definitely her daughter and my Bubba’s granddaughter because I keep two towels for showering (one for hair) and fold my clothes like a retail person. We’ve talked about family and health and very little about politics. I introduced her to Gravity Falls and Hayo Miyazaki and The IT Crowd. I have been particularly appreciative that Mum has pointed out traits in my friends that may be difficult for me to see. This is very helpful as I’m assessing who are good influences and whom I want to keep in my life after this year. And also what kinds of traits are non-useful. To be fair, she’s only been here for 4 full days so we’ve done a lot. My apartment is considerably cleaner now.

To close out, Mum and I chose this version of this song. The original song’s music video is pretty far out there and we agreed this was more…entertaining. Please pardon the speaking parts. Except that the speaking parts have a guest appearance by Erlich Bachmann and Gilfoyle so they’re worthwhile for that!

Becoming

It occurs to me that I haven’t actually written to you, my beautiful readers, in two weeks. I think I felt last week that I didn’t really have anything to say, so I let Dr. Bow take it away.

“Not really having anything to say” is not really the case. I feel like my life has been a close race between me running away from my depression and it catching up. This is my last week living alone, hopefully for a long time. One major advantage that I have found is that if I am feeling unable to mentally get up the effort to do anything, I have explored some rather deeper wounds than I wouldn’t otherwise poke at. It is painful, but I have had whole days where I don’t have to answer to anyone. I have been able to feel. Completely. There is some freedom in that.

I actually don’t want to talk about the times depression has caught up but if you’re available to talk to me on the phone, please let me know. It’s been a month since I went to the Key Route City and I’ve forgotten that it’s OK to call people and ask for support. And just to clarify, I am getting treatment for depression. But the therapist is rather meh for my needs. Meds are still working but I don’t take them all too often (they’re on an “as needed basis” I’m not goin’ off them randomly).

But the things I’ve been doing to run away from my depression have been rather amusing and awesome. So I’ll talk about them!

Work

I’ve finally been given the go ahead to actually get work done. I’ve done interpretations for 70 sets of data and consolidated 14 sets onto one page, then into one chart. Both mentors called me competent and one even said “This is nice, I like this.” I have been going through all of the relevant literature and drawing reasonable but big conclusions. I am demonstrating that I am a good scientist.

It feels very different. I feel strong.

But I also forget how to be social if I do too much deep thinking so it becomes awkward that I'm surrounded by people with their social brains on. I am a social social person so this experience is weird. I guess in all of my experience until now I've only gotten this focused when I write papers or study for finals and in those circumstances, everyone understands to fuck off. It's different in corporate world, but they expect similar results.

Derby

I am getting steadier on my skates every time I go for it. My teammates continue to be supportive, inclusive and encouraging. I was invited to a board meeting that was fairly interesting and had free cupcakes and cookies. It’s really interesting to see what are the broad and long-term goals of any organization.

The best part was that we had a scrimmage! It was Friday night and I was asked to be a scorekeeper. The women I train with were mostly on one team together and it was AMAZING to see how well they did. I was so full of pride and happiness that they played well. Everyone from my league played a very clean game and still kicked ass, beating the other league 105-76.

The second scrimmage was for more advanced skaters but that game was rather overwhelming, faster and dirtier than the first. I get the impression that it doesn’t always go that way, but it’s not uncommon. Ah well. One of my friends was a ref so I got to work with her to keep score, which was cool. Actually playing derby has a lot of people who are either refs or what’s called NSO or Non Skating Officials. Almost more officials than skaters! Hear that Mum? You could still participate in a derby league even if you can’t skate. :P Somewhat related: my mum is coming out this week to visit and my derby team mates have decided to try to get her on skates. Teeeeheeeheee.

After the scrimmage our team all went to the bar. My teammates got to see me drunk which is…a treat. As a different friend who happened to be at the bar says, I was in rare form. Happy drunk Sara is so much more pleasant and amusing than Sad or Serious or Honest drunk Sara. I just dance around a bunch and hug people. Including the bartender. He paid for my drink. Benevolent sexism, ftw.

Now for the interesting bits.

Adventures

President’s day is always a weird “holiday”. I’ve mostly been celebrating that day, and all other days by listening to the soundtrack of Hamilton nonstop. I still can’t get over how much DRAMA they packed into that score.

Anyway, I actually went for adventures that day. New character!! Her name is the Jr. Ranger. She started out as a loose acquaintance but now she basically lives at my house. She’s the kind of person who suggests things to do and doesn’t make me do all the planning all the time. I like her. She’s also pretty easygoing so that’s nice.

The Jr. Ranger, the Tenor and I went on an early morning adventure to some hot springs. The Tenor commented that he likes going places with me because I just talk nonstop about what’s going on outside the window. I’m like a pocket encyclopedia of rocks. #winning

It was SOOOOO COOL to see water rushing through a frozen river. There are these little pools with botryoidal icicles that end abruptly where the water whooshes through. Then there are frozen baby waterfalls with an occasional trickle over the edge. It sounds different too. Hushed, like it’s hiding something. You don’t fool me, creek. I know you’re hiding hypothermia.

As we went uphill towards the hot springs it was so cool to see bright little green sprouts of plants. They looked like an enchanted carpet, next to a giant boulder of obsidian covered in cold looking lichens. Up at the hot pools themselves it was not terribly warm. Instaregret about being in my bathing suit in 30°F weather. But I knew there was a little cave where the water was a lot closer to bathwater. We mostly hung out in there, and it surprisingly was roomy enough for 2 people and a third person’s feet. I have to say, that place is a LOT less spooky during daylight. Last time I was there was with Sam G and it got dark while we were there. Dark=spooky. It was actually really beautiful and peaceful the whole time this time around. And the sun peeked through just long enough for me to warm up. The one benefit of obsidian (especially old, rounded obsidian) is that it’s black and warm.

Me and the Jr. Ranger went to my place and hung out a bit, then decided to go on more adventures. Because that’s how we do. We found this landmark that was behind an adobe wall/fence with bits of dull rebar sticking out at random intervals. She was all like “that’s a silly deterrent” and I was like “yes, it is.” I then tried to get up on the adobe wall/fence and biffed it, right on the rebar. Turns out adobe and rebar are REALLY good deterrents for trespassing. At least for someone who can’t parkour hardcore. I have the most epic bruise/cut in the world on my leg now. I also finally fit into my favorite pair of teal pants after months of not fitting in them. And now those pants have a rebar shaped hole in them. ^___^

Other things….

Oh yes. I put a hole in my ear. Intentionally.

I have been the best at holding people’s hands while they get things pierced. I went with two of my derby teammates to get things pierced. During the first excursion I decided: Y’know what? After 6 years without my upper cartilage pierced, I still want an earring there. Easiest regret to fix. I am so pleased with this decision. It’s a 16 gauge ball-suspension-ring deal. It felt really amazing to take ownership of my body and do something I really wanted. It’s not that I don’t usually have ownership, I just don’t usually go for something that…altering of my appearance.

Finally, the biggest thing that’s transpired since I last wrote to you:

I MET AMANDA FUCKING PALMER AND NEIL GAIMEN. And their baby, whose head is really soft.

This is the best advice a complete stranger has ever given me. Feels extra cool coming from the guy who wrote Sandman too. And I don’t even think I remembered to babble about how much I love his writing. I was brave though and gave them both my card and asked them to please watch my TEDx talk.

It was really amazing and they were really lovely people. I liked that part best, that they were just people who happen to be very successful in their professions. The book they signed is a new journal I started this past week. Every night I write down three things that happened that day that I’m grateful for. Then I share these gratitudes with Good Panda who shares hers with me. It makes for a different kind of connection since we usually talk about our sad or frustrating or scary things that happen to us. It lets us know that there are other things in our lives.

To close out, a song Palmer played to open the event that I feel pretty much encapsulates how I feel the rest of the time when the depression catches up. I hope to come to the resolution she comes to at the end but I’m still working on it. (And Amanda, if you’re reading this please know you are the only artist whose music I’ve ever posted TWICE on this blog. The second Bowie song was a cover and therefore doesn’t count, Dad.)

And then GET THIS, PEOPLE. Someone made a Geology music!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!! Here it is!!!!!!