How to Conference

First off, thank you. You are beautiful. I keep forgetting this. I do not thank you enough. Tis nearly the season for thanking to become cliché, but I mean it sincerely. I appreciate all of you.

The weeks leading up to the conference were pretty intense, as previously chronicled.  I got into Monument City on Saturday evening after the “sanctioned” events were over so I was like “fuck it! I deserve a me night.” I went and got some AMAZING food at a restaurant with cloth tablecloths. It was Afgan food, which is like a middle-ground of middle eastern and Indian. With lamb. It was awesome. Then I went to a couple clubs and hung out with a dude dressed as Quailman. (It was Halloween.) I also saw a very well done SexyBulbazor. ::applause::

Then I really got to the meat of the conference. There were a lot of events that happened but I’m just going to be short here because in reality, I’m sick and I don’t have a lot of bandwidth. So here are my takeaway points:

•        Have business cards. Hand them out to everyone. One person may actually email you. That’s enough.
•        Say “Hello” and “Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening” to as many people as you can tolerate.
•       Know your socializing limits beforehand. Personally, I was pretty starved for social interaction so I overstretched myself by about 150%. But I loved it. So I didn’t care.
•       Support your friends. Support people you have met once. Support women. Go to their events. Listen to their talks. Ask them questions, when appropriate.
•       Again, if you are a woman, support other women. There is enough competition in the world. We need each other to create an inclusive environment where we see each other. Be seen. See each other.
•        Be careful of how you frame every sentence you say. I got called out for diminishing my own work.
•       Remember anecdotes people tell you. Remember their faces. It is helpful to associate someone’s name with their eye color because that typically doesn’t change whereas clothes do.
•        Make connections with people later in their careers. They are your bosses, your advisors, and your miscellaneous mentors. They have struggled through issues you haven’t encountered yet. They can be excellent advocates. They can protect you. They also have enough power to destroy you so play with fire carefully.
•       Make stronger and deeper connections with your peers. In the long run, they matter more.
•       Explain whatever you have to present in a manner that someone off the street would understand. Even if the people you’re explaining your science to are “experts” in the field, chances are they know nothing about your exact topic. I met a dude who is a phenomenal mineralogist. I do mineralogy. He knew the words I said about minerals, but not much else. Context MATTERS.
•       Be flexible. Sometimes you have something planned and then your mentor asks if you are doing anything and you say “I’m flexible” or “no.” If someone has given enough fucks to pay attention to you and your career, honor that. If they have enough trust and respect to bring you to something, honor that.
•        Don’t get too bogged down in whom you talk to. People are people.

I listened to my own advice on the last point but it has since gotten me in trouble, so maybe I shouldn’t recommend it. A lot of people are very caught up in believing in hierarchy and sometimes I am not.

I feel like I am residing on the blade of a razor and walking thin lines. Many of the ways I act demonstrate leadership qualities. But it feels raw and un-reigned. I do not have a good handle on the limits and when to turn off the rash-ness. I was told when I was 17 that my filter was broken. Whenever I commit a faux pas, I am thrust back to that time of my life and feel like I am broken. But, increasingly, I am placed in situations where I have power. And my inability to draw those lines, hard and fast, could cost me my career. They could also instigate it. And I can’t BLOODY TELL which will do which.

There is also a small voice in my head that says “fuck ‘em”. People are people.  And the division of people into Big Important Folks and the little ones you step on are part of the problem. Not, typically, the solution to it. Also there were several points where I wanted to yell, “I am not afraid of Black people!!” because so many people gave me dire warnings about walking around Monument City.

Off topic, I took an implicit bias test. This is the result. Consider that most people at conventions such as this typically have a strong bias towards associating men with science and women with liberal arts.

For the most part, the conference went AMAZINGLY WELL. I learned so much science, so much policy, so much about people I wanted to know more about. People gave me excellent critique on my posters and I feel more comfortable moving forward. It is actually a fairly straightforward process. It has thusfar been obscured by a whole lot of misguided advice and feels, but really the work is pretty straightforward. Somewhat comfortingly, the observation about the work being well and good and the environment being the problem is not a novel observation.

After the conference, I hopped in a swank-ass Hyundai with my Dad and Catlady, his girlfriend. We met up with a man who I think might be the original Furry. I wasn’t interested in finding out so I just kinda ate pizza and wondered when it would be over.

We got into The Big Scrapple around 7 pm and my friends had a healthy glass of whiskey waiting for me. I love these friends dearly and their acceptance of me at whomever I am makes me love them more.

In the morning, I visited my adopted dad after his surgery. It felt good to be able to be there for him. Still wishing you a speedy recovery if you’re reading this! And more non-perils!

Spent the rest of my birthday with my Mum and various other friends and family. Some of whom I hadn’t seen in a while, some I saw in May. We went to the Scrapple Museum of Art. It turns out it’s a super fancy, high class joint. Matisse and Monet everywhere. And there was a Klimpt for you, Good Panda! You should visit some day; you’d understand and appreciate it more than me. I liked the photography exhibit though. Dave Heath is the man with a melancholy plan.

The evening was spent hangin’ out with some truly fantastic people. Niece #1 and her folks were there. My brother got the telepathic memo I sent him: that I am assembling an army of blankets and he bought me a blue panda snuggie. Snuggies are officially the best things for planes. Ever. Three friends from high school came and it was an absolute pleasure to spend time with them. Especially since birthday presents included a large bottle of wine and a full body massage! The Marathon Runner was also there, and I’m so happy to have gotten to see her!

I got back to the Lab on the Hill (TLoTH) with just barely enough time to shower and make call for my show. But damnit, I did make it. And it was awesome.

Ever since I’ve been trying to recover and also follow up with everyone from the conference. I have also been watching this video on repeat so to close out, I’ll leave you with another classic from Mr.’s Macklemore and Lewis.