A Hopeful Fan Letter

Dear Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson and Mr. Bill Nye,

I am writing to you today because I am at a career junction and I am not quite sure whom to turn to for advice. I respect you both deeply as scientists and educators who are committed to compassionately sharing science with the world.

I am quickly approaching my halfway mark with The Lab on The Hill (TLoTH). I do not feel zealously passionate about my job, but I know that my work will help people in the local community continue to have access to safe drinking water so I feel good about that. I value my work for what it is but I try not to completely buy into the “do what you love” because I feel like that is a fallacy which devalues working for a living wage. Yet I actually doing geology full time is not utilizing my whole self. Many people in managerial positions do not seem to fully understand what I mean when I ask them for advice.

I am an outgoing scientist. I am a particularly STEM-nerdy theatre geek. I know all of the words at Shabbat service without looking at the siddur. I am a model. I have many friends around the world who I care about and who care about me. I cosplay an amazing Mabel Pines.

I can swiftly and blamelessly address the topic of diversity to a room of 500 TLoTH scientists in a TEDx format. I can give the same talk to the janitors. I am not afraid to publicly address pressing issues to figures of authority.

But where do I go from here? The advice I inevitably get from my mentors and superiors at TLoTH is get a technical PhD. They say this in different tones, with different intentions, but the homogeneity of the answer has been, well, homogeneous.

One woman recently pointed out that one path could be to do a degree in sociology, perhaps gender studies. I am interested in how the national laboratories handle diversity and gender issues and how that affects the country. She responded, “That sounds like a good research project.” After planting this magnificently clever idea in my head, she blankly stated that I would be completely un-hirable if I did this and if I hope to be able to have a family I would not be able to support them with such a degree. To put in context and to be fair, we had just been talking about both having a family and being financially independent.

Several people have suggested a two-part strategy. Get the technical degree and then do advocacy as a “hobby” or passionate interest on the side. Keep participating in Expanding Your Horizons and maybe participate in some training within conferences.

I’m not sure if I’d be satisfied with either of these. I can see myself doing a PhD if the impact of my work is quantifiable and will make a difference. But the fact that that sentence is an inherent contradiction pulls me away from the desire to start one. I had several mildly abusive undergraduate professor-student working relationships and my main criterion for research is that I don’t already hate my advisor.

When I was younger I wanted to be a teacher. Then I was a teacher. I realized that I don’t care for the lack of support you receive for doing such a difficult job. Teaching isn’t ruled out, but I’d have to make more than $13,000/yr this time to make it worth it.

But how do I impact the most people, in the most positive way?  Academia has the funding potential to work on novel problems in neat ways. TA’ing undergrads would probably give me the opportunity to influence many but the astonishing bureaucracy of universities would probably make me lose it, eventually. I could have a couple years to tinker at a difficult problem, but then what?

Continuing in government laboratories would mean that I’d continue to be at the mercy of Congress or other federal institutions for funding, most of the time. Sometimes these funding sources can be stable, but unfortunately I do not work in weapons so fluctuations are to be expected. I have made inroads with TLoTH about potentially doing a recruitment trip to universities and later this month I will give my TED talk again to the managers in my directorate. All of the scientists have told me to stay far away from HR-type situations, but honestly I feel like doing that more at the government level than science sometimes.

Policy is another option, though again it means turning away from science permanently. Ironically, in order to do any policy fellowship from a scientific perspective, you have to have a technical PhD. Loop back to option 1. The only jobs in Washington for people who have purely bullshit backgrounds is in the seats of Congress and I don’t need to go there.

There are also two less likely possibilities. There is industry where I can just make buckets of money and then do whatever the hell I want with my spare time. There is also starting my own company/non-profit. I had an idea for a small project that I actually went to the Key Route City with; and they were interested. Unfortunately, that happened 2 weeks before I started at TLoTH. My parents both echo in me, telling me to do opposite things. My father’s persona tells me to go out on a limb and do something entrepreneurial. My mother reminds me that I have bills and need to eat. I’ve gotten used to eating regularly. Unfortunately.

I have found a couple Masters/PhD ships that combine education and earth science research. I would lean towards those programs as primary targets but I am still uneasy about grad school.

I feel that if I don’t do a technical PhD or Master’s, I’m just one more woman who’s dropped out. The antithesis of what I preach. How do I not make a hypocrite out of myself but also honor my whole personality? How do I make the right sacrifices for my partner and myself?  How do I live up to the potential I’ve built for myself?

I’m on a fast trajectory to somewhere. But how do I site my landing pad before I crash and even land gracefully? Even if you don’t have the answer, I appreciate your reading this all the way and letting me explain what’s going on with me.

-A LadyScientist

P.S. Dr. deGrasse Tyson, if I ever have the opportunity to get your autograph, I would like it to be on this picture, please.

P.P.S. I always sign off with a song so here goes:

Car Drama

In case you’ve been reading on my bloghost site, I forgot to mention that I wrote a whole week’s blog and then chickened out about posting it publicly. If you’re interested in reading the “missing” post, please contact me privately.

So here we are again. I’m sitting alone on my couch in my underwear eating “Gin-Gins” and you are sitting at your email wondering why I just shared that. It’s ok, I’m wondering that too.

PartnerPenguin has gone and returned to the Key Route City in search of a job. I’m back to trying to figure out how to life. On one hand, it’s nice that it’s quite again. My life seems to consist of bulimic fits of adventure followed by lulls of filling up the emptiness with new exercise regimes. My prediction is that the next phase is going to involve some lackluster weight lifting at TLoTH’s gym and maybe getting up the courage to bike again. I’m also thinking of Roller Derby but since my family banned me from playing rugby, I feel like that probably holds true for all contact sports. Pro tip: don’t play a match with a concussion, and especially don’t hide the fact that you have a concussion from your coach.

So speaking of more recent decisions that weren’t informed by concussed 15 year olds… I wanted to tell you all about my car. Her name is Mabel. If I decide to get one of those stupid VW “bra” things, she is going to look like this:

In my previous relegation, I described in gruesome detail how White Car got to be a fucked-to-death-pile-of-caa-caa. I wanted to touch base on what’s happened since then because I think it’s absolutely ridiculous and I’m interested to hear what people think, especially if they’ve been in similar situations.

Shortly after White Car got totaled, Partner Penguin got back to the Hill and helped me decide how to move forward. Our research suggested going to a local credit union would be our best option. Great. I got a pre-approval for a loan and then we borrowed cars from friends until we found Mabel, at a dealership 90 miles away. We deliberated most of the terms of the agreement and made the salesman miss the fight. Contracts were signed, keys were handed over and PartnerPenguin and I drove off into the night.

A major motivator of getting a car so quickly was that Niece #1 was coming to visit us for a week. (She was kind enough to recap our adventures last week!)  Let’s call Week 1 the week of August 2 (Sunday). Niece #1/PHX visit happened starting Thursday, Week 2. It is now week 4. So this is how it went.

Week 1: Purchase car with pre-approval letter. There are stipulations about year manufactured and how much will be covered. Pre-approval letter specifically DOES NOT define anything about mileage, or what constitutes as a change in offer based on mileage.

Friday, Week 1: Loan officer calls and I don’t pick up because I work in a concrete box for a living. By the time I see her call, the bank is closed, I figure she was just calling to check up on the purchase.

Monday, Week 2 (t-4 days to travelling): Loan officer calls cell phone again as well as work phone. I call her back. She tells me that my loan has been denied because the mileage of the car is absurdly high. I bought the car with 124,000 miles. Honestly, this was the lowest mileage I saw anywhere. She berates me a bit about how could I possibly think of buying something with such high mileage and then we hang up. 

At this point, I take a good hard look at my life and decide if having a car is worth it. I draw up pros and cons lists and decide that it’s a blessing in disguise and I could probably get my money back and be able to see my shul family for High Holy Days instead. We could get a rental car for traveling and borrow a friend’s car for Niece #1’s visit. I’m sad about the loss of such a big item, but I know I’ll get over it.

Tuesday, Week 2: I procrastinate/try to work and not think about the car. During lunch, PartnerPenguin and I read through all of the contracts to determine what our timeline is. We find out we only have 48 hours from learning about financing falling through to return the car. Did I mention the dealership is 90 miles away? And this is during lunch?

Early afternoon I call the dealership. I will be in that town the next day and I want to know how strict they are about this kind of thing. I talk with a man in finance and ask him whether I need to return the car today or whether I can return it tomorrow. He says he does not know what I’m talking about, the car is financed and all of the registration fees and such have been paid. I’m like…uh, what?! The bank declined my loan and they told me this less than 48 hours ago so I would like to return the car please.

This is the part that pissed me off the most.

The dealership went to a different credit union. They did not ask my permission. They did not have my consent. They told a completely different bank that I was going to pay them a bajiggady thousand dollars for the next blah amount of years. On top of that, the second bank had to do a hard pull on my credit, which is not excellent for me. If I return the car at this point, I would have to return it to Bank 2 and have a repo on my record.

I’ve had mixed responses to this action by the dealership. Some people have told me I am over-reacting; I would just send a check to some unknown place either way. The finance guy didn’t even think there was a problem at all; I wanted the car after all, didn’t I? Some people have agreed with me that this was a completely shoddy business practice.

Week 2 ended, as you read about in PHX with lots of crazy-fun adventures. Week 3 was great fun with Niece #1. We went to my favorite hike, played fun word-games with friends and went to the local hot springs.

It was not until this week, Week 4, that I got ANY correspondence from Bank 2 about my loan. It didn’t even have a loan contract in the envelope, just general bank account information. I still don’t have the exact information about the company I’m expected to pay a significant amount of money to for the next few years.

I keep vacillating between pissed and exhausted. I finished this masterpiece yesterday.

I’m proud that I finished something, but I feel insufficient. I feel like now that I owe Real Money to Real Invisible Entities: I am an adult. I hate feeling like that. I hate that fuckwads in managerial positions can alter the course of my financial life without consent. I hate feeling like a pawn. I hate getting talked down to by the clerk at the store because I want to return an item because I need the money more than the item.

I do appreciate the fact that I can cope with these things and that they are helping me move forward with my adult life, not hindering me from living it. I was recently compared to a woman with two kids who works two jobs and is barely scraping by. The person comparing us said even though I’m “broke” I don’t have it as bad as her. This is true, in a way. But I felt frustrated by this comparison for two reasons. I am in my current position because I chose to go along a path of education and made a mutual agreement with my partner that we wouldn’t have kids until we both felt more ready to deal with that responsibility.

The second reason this frustrated me is that it completely invalidates my problems as a reality. The minute you take away someone’s reality as valid, it makes her or his entire existence less valid. People do this to each other, even to loved ones, all the time. I am working along my path and you are working along yours. Lived experiences are parallel and don’t ever touch.

I hope next time someone says something along these lines; I can get to this latter point faster and actually tell them they are invalidating me. I wonder what that would feel like.

To close out, I would like to present two totally different songs. The first is deeply spiritual and found me from out of the blue. It affected the depths of my soul and I hope you find some meaning in it too.

Niece #1 shared the second song. It sums up EXACTLY what it feels like to learn a second language, in my opinion. I’m looking at you, French class in college.

There, and back again

This week's post has a guest author. Niece #1 is visiting us for a little bit and I thought it would be a good experience for her to try writing a blog. As always, please be compassionate when commenting.

The past few days with PartnerPenguin and SaraBe have been ones I won’t forget for a long time. I’m from Bore City, USA, and life can be a little dull there. I was absolutely excited when I found out I’d be spending some time with them. I reached some other destinations before finally settling with them, but these days have definitely been different. I was staying with my relatives nearby before this leg of my trip. Their house/farm was unlike any other place I’d been. Ducklings, chicks, rabbits, roosters, turkeys, fish, chickens, and a friendly doggie all became acquainted with me on that stay. I didn’t stay there long, however, because Sara and PartnerPenguin arrived shortly after I arrived. Everyone joined together that evening over some scrumptious local dinner food. I won’t forget the happy feeling of watching so many cool friends of mine finally get to meet. A little unluckily, we didn’t leave until sunset for our trip to Phoenix. It wasn’t that much of a problem; we were just all a little tired by the time we got there. Although the trip was almost entirely in the dark, it was a road trip I’ll never forget. I’ve got to say, “Comfortably Numb” sounds better going down the freeway at 90 MPH. The best aspect of the trip was getting to see the meteor shower. This wasn’t your typical shower of fire in the night sky; it was a new moon that night, in the middle of nowhere. We got to see everything. I saw at least six meteors in the brief time we spent gazing. Around 3 o’clock in the morning did we finally find ourselves in Phoenix. The AirB&B we stayed at was the coolest! There was all sorts of fascinating things: spiritual quotes on the walls, Celtic designs, Native American artwork, some pretty sweet lizards, and a very generous woman named Diane. A lot of cool experiences came out of our short stay. We got to spend a lot of time with PartnerPenguin’s family, which was the reason of our visit in the first place. His Aunti Kutzi arrived from Europe around the same time I got to my relatives’. The people in the Paprikás krumpli Family were very diverse in personality. I won’t go into specifics, but the people I met were very fun to be around and it was nice to temporarily be a part of the Paprikás krumplis. I’ll never forget playing the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Trivia Game with SaraBe and PartnerPenguin “What is the name of the spell that paralyzes the opponent?” We said: “Habeas Corpus!” Our voting rights have been revoked. Outside of the family, Sara and I got to do a lot of exciting activities in the city. We looked around the Wells Fargo Museum, which is actually a lot cooler than it sounds. There was a lot of historical information on how important the bank was during the Gold Rush. Lots of interactive aspects were added to the museum.  We then proceeded to the Arizona Science Center. We got to learn a lot of cool facts about the human body (the brain especially), homebuilding, geology, electricity, physics, and more. For at least twenty minutes or more, SaraBe and I got to watch a Malaysian Dead Leaf Mantis consume ten or so flightless fruit flies. It was really intense. We attended a yoga class the next day, which helped clear out a few mental mothballs. It was a little hard, not being flexible and all, but we can both say that we enjoyed it. Before the three of us realized, it was time to head home. We spent the entire next day on the road trip back. We took the “scenic route”, which was absolutely gorgeous. I’d never been surrounded by such beautiful mountains while having such an intense discussion about Harry Potter. When lunchtime came around, we stopped at a cute little café, which had rather delicious burgers. Our next eating experience wouldn’t be as enjoyable. So we took off from the café, and we got to see all sorts of cool geography. The three of us got to drive through tall, forested mountains and glide along grassy plateaus. Around sunset we visited Petrified National Forest and Painted Desert. What I saw was unlike anything before.  The blotches of color spread across vast canyons and mountains were simply amazing. The Petrified Wood had such a unique texture, almost like plastic! The array of colors in the wood was so cool. We saw the most beautiful sunset on our way out of the park, as well. The sunset is one beautiful thing that I never get tired of. The rest of the trip was spent in the dark, and SaraBe and I watched Gravity Falls and snuggled. It was very fun. You were probably wondering what food we ate that was just so, so bad. We had six tacos amongst the three of us: two chicken, two beef, and two pork. Let me put this lightly… the chicken tasted although it came from a packet that was seasoned with (insert sad word), the ground beef was definitely not an Earth creature, and the pork softly wept with every bite I took.  The sadpapilla (a tortilla with kraft honey packet) brought tears to my eyes. It was a hilarious meal and I would never, ever eat there again. After a few more hours driving, we finally found ourselves back home. Those few days were some of the most unique in my life, and I would do it all again if I could. 

Here is a song we liked from the many we listened to along the road:

An Act of God, Once in a Blue Moon

Buckle up kiddos, it’s going to be a fucking wild ride. There will also be more photos than usual because my brother cares about photos and has a good camera.

I don’t even remember my life from before my last post. (Please click here to see the updated picture of the kitty.)

During the weekdays my brother was in town, we went out a bunch and drank a drink called an “Adios Mothafucka’” and I sang Spice Girls and Carrie Underwood.

I tried a piece of advice someone had told me a couple years ago. If you are having a difficult time with a co-worker, break bread with them and the relationship changes. I have a co-worker who I just could not figure out how to communicate with. I know he’s an outdoorsy guy so I invited him and his wife out to dinner with my brother and I. It was awesome. I learned that lamb is not the celebration meat of everyone’s childhood, just mine. Also: nostalgia trumps professional chefs and my mom’s lamb stew is better than the restaurant’s even though theirs was probably technically better.

Cool. So the day after that dinner, Brother and I headed out after work. We spent the night at a KOA (Kampgrounds of America). Mind boggled. They had flush toilets and showers and electricity. Wut. Neither of us slept well because it was very bright. Morning brought us one of the nicest Denny’s breakfasts either of us had ever eaten. Then it was in to Canyonlands. Brother took a nap while I drove in. The front desk lady was really helpful and showed us how to accomplish all of the things we wanted to do. Our first night had mandatory pack in/pack out of human waste so I got acquainted with a little bag that supposedly sterilized poops so you can throw them out in the regular garbage. They also had this trashcan:

I have to say, National Parks are about the only thing I can unequivocally say make me feel patriotic. I feel very proud to be an American when I can follow a trail through some of the most beautiful countryside and sleep under the Milky Way. The trail was meticulously well marked and we found the campsite no biggie.

We took a quick nap when we set up camp because it was pretty warm out. I wanted to see an Arch because arches are the most majestic of all geologic formation-y things and I love them so. The trail took us to one called Druid Arch that I sincerely hoped looked like Stonehenge. Most of the trail was in a wash with some pretty steep up slopes toward the end. The last little bit (.5 mi or so) I wanted to die but I made it. And GODDAMN was it worth the hike.

On the way back we stopped by a puddle and collected water and treated it. I think this was an interesting and worthwhile experience to have because emergency (read: camping) treated water tastes pretty gross.

By the next morning I was a little heat exhausted but I made it out to the car OK. This started the day hotter than Satan’s balls. By 7 am it was already well into the 80’s and we were drinking water that tasted like chlorine and tadpole pee. I probably got down a liter (don’t judge me for mixing units) and a half by the time we got to the car and went to the visitor center to fill up on regular drinking water. We each filled up 6 L of water, intending 4 for that day and 2 for the next morning. Then we drove to the trailhead of one of the most remote (not 127 Hours remote, but they did warn us they wouldn’t start looking for us immediately if we went missing) trails in Canyonlands. It’s called the Confluence trail and at the end you get to see the Colorado and Green Rivers come together. Spoiler alert: the Colorado wins.

This is where things start to go downhill. It starts of literally. The downhill grade averages 45deg with an abrupt uphill ascent at 80-90deg in 30 ft stretches. We realize how nice it was the day before that we were mostly in a wash and protected by canyon walls. Noon hits us quickly and Brother tells me in this part of the world the hottest time of day is 2-4pm. It’s easily 110deg by this point and as we walk over a little flat area I walk into a tree bough at eye level. I fall over and start crying, like a toddler. Brother wisely advises that I have pretty bad heat exhaustion and I should stay in some shade. He still wants to see the confluence so he finds me a nice patch of shade that will last 3 or so hours and leaves me.

Personally, this was the coolest part of the trip for me. Certainly not because I make excellent company but I got to take a nap in the soft sand and then just hang out with nothing on my mind. I was sitting there, playing in the sand and I see a flurry out of the corner of my eye. I think “Huh. I wonder what birds live here?” and look up. And it’s… A BABY OWL! It was the cutest thing in the entire world and it just sat there staring at me. Occasionally it would open and close its mouth but no sounds came out. Must’ve actually been a baby because someone who knows about birds told me that action meant it wanted me to feed it. It flew away after a while and then I was alone again.

Eventually, Brother returned. He looked pretty beat and laid down in the shade for a while. He asked me how much water we had left. It was only then that I realized we had about 2L between the two of us. We decided it was safest to leave the trail, rather than get stranded with no water. There were no puddles to purify, we would just run out. :< We probably drank close to 8L each that day, total. I was rested and hydrated enough to overcome the entire horrible trail back to the car. My MO became sitting in shade for up to a minute before the really steep stuff.

My total mileage for the weekend was about 17 miles. 2 days. I didn’t look at a topo map but it was certainly 1000’ up and down, if not more. I kept saying “I will never be un-sore from this.”

We decided to go to the town with the KOA for dinner, even though it was an hour and half away. Let’s just say I was really hungry and shaved off a couple minutes of driving time by my incredible driving efficiency. The only place open that late was this fancy-ass bar which served bison and elk and wild boar. Whatevs, Brother didn’t want Denny’s again and I couldn’t care less so bison burgers it was! Cool. So I suggest we stay at the KOA again but he’s all like “Nah.” So we start driving. I’m like “How far we driving?” He’s like “How long you think you can drive?” “45 min or so?” “OK. I’ll drive the rest to TLoTH. And if I get tired you’ll drive.”

I didn’t actually drive that much longer because I was more tired than I thought. He took over and I went straight to sleep. There were a couple swerves from idiot drivers where I woke up but for the most part it was pretty OK sleep. Then very suddenly, I’m jerked awake and get pulled forward as the windshield shatters into a million pieces onto my face/chest/lap. Brother slows the car down and we’re both out of breath saying “What the hell was that?” Got out of car (my door barely opened and I noticed the back window was out too) and looked behind us. A large cow (lady) elk was standing in the middle of the road with her raggedy neck wool and unsteady legs. She totters towards us and I’m all like “Look away! Don’t engage with it!” but then she walks across the road and into the hedges.

Soonafter I see a big SUV car driving up in the opposite direction. They (thankfully) pull over and ask how to help. It’s 12:30 am. Very long and stressful story short, they stayed with us for an hour and half until the police showed up. I learned several things that night:

·      If you get hit by an animal and don’t swerve, it is considered an Act of God. If you swerve, you are liable.

·      State Police here are actually really nice. I’m sure this changes depending on who you are, but in our case all of the police officers were really nice.

·      The Milky Way is very bright in the middle of nowhere.

·      Half-dead elk are easy prey. I didn’t move more than 30 ft from the car if I didn’t have to, I was too scared of mountain lions.

·      Elk walk shit like this off all the time. We were going 55 mph.

·      AAA in this state is terrible. The operator didn’t actually know the geography of where I was, despite my giving her the road and mile marker repeatedly. When a truck was FINALLY dispatched at 3:30, it was dispatched from 85 miles away so we didn’t get the tow until 5am.

·      With permission from the cops, you can camp on the side of the highway here. Especially if your car looks like this and they know AAA sucks.

Needless to say, we did very little the next day. (Two vehicle accidents in 4 months? Really?) Brother felt so bad about the car, it was difficult. I was glad we weren’t more hurt. We saw Minions. The only thing I liked about it was the soundtrack.

Monday was the day Brother left and PartnerPenguin came back to TLoTH. Some complicated logistics later, I got to sleep with PartnerPenguin in the same bed and felt safe for the first time in weeks.

Wednesday was my TEDx talk. Whoooph. I realized that I had tackled a challenging topic, one that other people were unwilling to talk about. I feel there was no way to prepare myself to be in front of a room full of 500 people and have everyone go absolutely silent. In crafting this talk, I realize that I lean a lot on humor, especially self-deprecating humor, as a crutch if I want to talk about something serious. 9 minutes was not enough time for such bullshit. I think that was the most valuable part of giving this talk was crafting my time in such a way that I used every moment to the highest potential. The crux of my talk was how the lab could use student positions like my own to the benefit of both parties. I talked about the student debt burden. I directly addressed the issue of privilege and the lack of discussion around it in STEM academia. I was more nervous than I expected, but I feel like I delivered it strongly and convincingly.

Because my week wasn’t eventful enough, on Friday I started the process of buying a car. This was my personal procedure, because a lot of people helped me and gave me advice.

·      Have PartnerPenguin look up dealerships nearby and narrow down one.

·      (Took some time off work) I went to a local credit union and applied for an auto loan. My final APR was 2.99% which is not excellent but not as bad as Wells Fargo’s 6.49%. I took out more than I was expecting to pay but not more than I could pay back over 3 years.

·      We went to the dealership about an hour and half before closing time on the last day of the month. Unfortunately our saleslady was middle of the pack so closing the deal wasn’t too important to her and she didn’t negotiate too much. None of the offers were stellar.

·      We ate dinner. I hate shopping to begin with; this was one of the most exhausting experiences of my life.

·      Next day, we swapped cars (another friend borrow) for a car that would make it 90 mi and back for cheaper deals.

·      Went to Honda dealership and wound up with a VW. Womp. Salesdude was super chill even though we made him miss the fight. He said it’s the easiest job in the world. We hemmed and hawed and negotiated.

Here she is!!

Her name is Mabel, after Mabel Pines (Gravity Falls). The salesdude said if we don’t want the front paint to chip we can get a bra (which looks stupid) but then I imagined all of the MabelSweater opportunities and I’m stoked!!

One important thing that I would like to chronicle, both for myself and those who love me is that I have developed a mild case of PTSD from the accident. I nearly had a panic attack while driving home at night. Right now I’m trying to avoid night driving and got a referral for a therapist. I might also try medication.

And here’s a bucket of random for you! Congratz for reading this far! I won’t miss a week again, I hope!

P.S. It was also a Blue Moon this week.