Fuzzy Logic of Social Momentum

I’ve learned about a tremendously interesting concept recently: Fuzzy Logic. In essence, the way that we think about things in the physical, math and computing environments are in binary: 1 and 0. Either something is or isn’t. Fuzzy logic takes the “truthiness” of something and places it on an inclusive scale of 1 through 0, 0.5 being a perfect paradox. 

One of the big problems in physical science is the issue of electrons. They mostly exist, but sometimes they don’t. Heisenberg and Schrodinger each had things to say about this but even now we still have issues trying to see electrons where they “ought” to be. But that’s because we’re looking at a binary and we’re looking at and electron like a particle. If we apply Fuzzy logic and also use Einstein’sequation, you can describe an electron as a probabilistic smear of energy in a narrow (whichever orbital band) space and time with relationship to the atom.

This is relevant. I’m a little hesitant to say this is revolutionary because I don’t really have enough handle on quantum physics and higher maths to stand my ground in an argument on this stuff. I also recently watched What The Bleep Do We Know and I got hella mad because I was so aggravated at how poorly it was executed. Even more precisely, I was so angry at how scientists were being portrayed as total crackpots because this is a preconception I have to actively fight.

So how is Fuzzy logic relevant? It’s relevant because by introducing me to it, my friend Robot opened my eyes about how I’ve been viewing my life too narrowly in terms of binaries. Success is not a binary, it’s Fuzzy. It’s not two discrete states of being, it’s a continuum between states that can at times be paradoxical. I’ve been exploring this a lot lately.

I’ve fallen into many traps, recently and throughout my adult life that my identity is a series of binaries. I am a student or I am a professional; despite that in order to afford my books and food during college I held a job. The one I’ve really struggled with in the past year is how my professional identity as a Geologist conflicts with other identities. Miyam Bialik released this amazing video I really like about being a Jewish Woman and a scientist. I feel like her words really resonate with me about that topic but I also feel like being a person with a strong faith isn’t that unusual, at least not at TLoTH it wasn’t.

The (perceived) dichotomy I have been struggling with for upwards of a year was my identity as an artist. Really, science and art are two sides of the same coin. Or maybe science, art and spirituality are really part of a tertiary diagram. Coming out of TLoTH my ternary identification was as follows:

I guess the past year of underemployment has encouraged me to seriously examine my place on the diagram. As part of my re-integrating back home I took up additional responsibilities with my faith community. I did so because I wanted to have more structure and more social interaction. But to me the beauty of Shabbat is that for at least two hours, once a week, you have to slow the fuck down. There isn’t anything else going on. You just need to be present. You need to listen for the harmonies. You need to allow yourself space to let go of the week.

The more difficult thing for me to appreciate was seeing myself as an artist. I have always been good at singing, but I found actually going down the cantorial tract to be an overwhelming amount of emotional labor that I’m not ready to commit to. I’m happy to sing from the pews and occasionally from the bima. Lately I have been making a lot of fabric art like this Bi-pride watchband:

But when I’ve put together my Etsy and my Facebook Artist Page I have found it to be a manner of course. It’s not challenging paperwork to fill out, it’s not large sums of money being made. I suddenly got caught up in thinking it’s not work. It’s not a valid way to spend my time. It’s just fun and dumb and a lot of the knot work I’ve been doing since I was 12.

It has slowly occurred to me that others can’t do this work. Or they can and they don’t want to. Or they can and they don’t have time or make time for it. And they’re willing to pay me to do it instead. It’s fulfilling in REALLY different ways than the science I’ve done up to this point so I’ve struggled to identify it.

So now my ternary diagram is a bit like this:

The thing I’ve most learned from embracing more of myself is that the forward momentum I’ve invite into my life seems to be blurrier. A lot of the most successful networking and mentorship I’ve had came from people I know from shul. Reconnecting with old friends (People Keeper folks) via my knotting art has opened new doors for commissions.

Career stuff

Whether it’s directly related (Hicks-esque manifestation?) or just plain cold perseverance I have had a couple of really excellent things come down the line. Last week I got a letter that announced I passed the really obnoxious print-out, 30 page, short answer test I completed in early April. I passed with 80% which was a huge accomplishment for me and I was really proud.

Now that I am on the list of eligible candidates, it turns out that The Golden State is super into me. They sent me a letter to let me know that another Engineering Geologist position is opening in Key Route City! I’m super stoked about that and I am crafting my resume to fit the bill more closely.

But best of all: I GOT AN INTERVIEW!!! Today I was just hanging out today and I got a call from a number I didn’t know-but it was the correct area code for one of the Engineering Geologist jobs. I fairly surprised but totally overjoyed when it was a manager from one of the positions asking me to come in for an interview. Guess HR’s reading of the situation (that I would not be considered for this position due to the test not being graded) should have been taken with a grain of salt. I’m taking this one step at a time and just viewing this as a great opportunity to learn how to interview. My big question will be about timing because the job was listed as 3/5 part-time. If this means 3 days a week, it will be perfect because then I can take a residence at the job site (95 miles away) but then still live in the Key Route City most of the week. But, like I said, trying to take things one step at a time and not go down the “what if” hole.

Anyway, the interview is in a week and that gives me plenty of time to prepare. I’m still going to apply for the job in the Key Route City because then I won’t have to uproot and change the structure of how I spend my time for the job. I could bike to work. Either opportunity would be great and I’m looking forward to progressing (hopefully) with both.

Health

I had something very strange occur today. Something I’ve very rarely done in my adult life and certainly something I have never considered doing on my own without an accountabilibuddy.

I went on a run.

Today I borrowed a MiltonDog to keep me company and guide my productivity. Having a dog to work is a bit like rubber ducky-ing ideas but with slightly more responsiveness. Dogs, as you know, are generally up for any kind of outdoor things. Walks, hikes, runs, whatever. Dogs are there for it. MiltonDog is just the same. Except he’s tiny. And missed the point of running for fun so halfway through the run it became: “don’t let MiltonDog attack the leash, while also not tripping over MiltonDog because he’s attacking the leash again.”

Overall, this is the most surprising part: I enjoyed myself! I have no memory of enjoying running in my adult life. It was somewhere between shock and joy that I could benefit positively from this activity I have always detested.

Who knows. Maybe I’ll become a rubber band person and get really skinny and pretentious? Can I start drinking frappccinos, wearing active wear everywhere I go and judging other people for making different decisions than me? Or do I have to wait until I can run more than 30 seconds at a time. >__<

MiltonDog really loved all the exercise I did with him today, but he doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions and now he’s exhausted. We walked to the post office before they closed and his little trot was significantly slower. He keeps looking at me balefully because he doesn’t understand why he’s so tired.

Silly doggle.

To close out today, I’d like to share with you a song that came up while Sparkles and I were reaching a breakthrough in my coaching with her. It definitely reminds me of Yann Tiersen (one of my favorite composers) but it’s not as heavy or dark as a lot of his pieces. Here's "Imagining" by Brian Crane.